University Fun!

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN UNIVERSITY TOO LONG WHEN...

1. You actually like doing your washing at home where the washing machines work.
2. Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
3. You'd rather clean than study - especially if an essay is due.
4. "Oh shit how did it get so late!" comes out of your mouth at least once a night.
5. Parents' cooking becomes something you desire, not avoid.
6. You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soap operas especially Neighbours and Murder She Wrote.
7. You know the pizza boy by name and don't even need to read the menu.
8. You get a little too excited about Tesco money-off coupons and clubcard points.
9. You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
10. You live for getting post.
11. Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.
12. You start thinking and sounding like your friends and your accent morphs into a hybrid of West Country, Cockney, Posh, Geordie and Boltonese.
13. Highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
14. Rearranging your room is your favourite pastime.
15. Rubbish cheap £1 shops are so cool.
16. You wait for your penny change without embarrassment
17. First dates always end up with the stay-overs because the walk home seems too far and because you can
18. The milk situation annoys you
19. The weekend lasts from Thursday to Monday.

BEFORE I CAME TO UNIVERSITY, I WISH I HAD KNOWN...

1. That I could change so much and barely realize it.
2. That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
3. No matter how 'cool' you were in school, no one here cares.
4. That if you wear a skirt or even polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.
5. That if you got good a-levels, so what? It doesn't matter
6. That I would go to a party the night before an exam or essay due-date.
7. That you can know everything and fail a test.
8. That you can know nothing and ace a test.
9. That lecturers really don't know or care if you've worked for 10mins or all-night, as long as you email them or compliment them they will love you.
10. Maths students complain about their hours but have no essays; English students complain about doing all the work themselves - every course sucks and everyone gets a degree at the end, so who cares if you think you're hard done by
11. That I could get used to almost anything found out about my friends.
12. That talk similar to that of the playground comes back to haunt you
13. That most of my education would be obtained outside of Uni.
14. That some people will act like you mean the world to them in Freshers Week and then drop you
15. That friendship is more than getting drunk together ...but that's still fun!
16. That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
17. That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.

WHY UNIVERSITRY IS LIKE PRIMARY SCHOOL...

1. You cry for your mummy.
2. You cross the street without looking for cars.
3. Snack time is a necessity.
4. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like (because everyone else looks as stupid as you do)
5. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
6. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
7. You wear big mittens
8. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.
9. You take naps.
10. You look forward to cheese toasties.

Special thanks to Tony Avino for emailing me this piece! x

I Ain't No Poison Ivy...